{"id":3864,"date":"2011-04-05T01:00:09","date_gmt":"2011-04-05T06:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wholehealthchicago.com\/?p=3864"},"modified":"2021-09-08T22:08:38","modified_gmt":"2021-09-09T03:08:38","slug":"obsessing-over-regrets","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wholehealthchicago.com\/blog\/2011\/04\/05\/obsessing-over-regrets","title":{"rendered":"Obsessing Over Regrets"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

We each have our own personal stash of regrets, and when they surface our language trends to the elegantly named counterfactual conditional phrasing: \u201cIf only I had married Bob, I would have been happy.\u201d Well, you didn\u2019t marry Bob (instead you married The Jerk), and in any case there\u2019s no guarantee Bob isn\u2019t his own brand of jerk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The list of potential regrets goes on. \u201cIf only I\u2019d gone to the right college\u2026.taken that job in Europe\u2026waited to have children\u201d  If only, if only\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the most useless occupations of our already cluttered minds is the act of regretting, especially when regrets remain stuck in our thoughts like a phonograph needle hung up in the groove of a vinyl record (as I glance at my iPod, I\u2019m aware this is a doomed simile).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Psychologists know that chronic regretful thinking is unhealthy. If you continue riding the escalator down to deep regret, you\u2019ll start feeling depressed, anxious, or both. Simple day-to-day joyful possibility will be tainted by the shadow of melancholy. And in your body, you\u2019re triggering a subtle but persistent fight-or-flight response, predisposing yourself to a variety of symptoms, like headaches, jaw tightening, digestive problems, and an inefficient immune system.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether you carry one regret or a knapsack full of them, you need to stop as quickly as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The effects of chronic regretful thinking<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Canadian psychologists studied the effects of chronic regretful thinking on people\u2019s lives along with their coping skills. They selected 104 volunteers and asked them to review their regrets and the extent to which these decisions affected their lives. Unsurprisingly, there were no unusual regrets, just the usual \u201cshoulda coulda woulda\u201d fare of education and career choices, relationship choices, time with family, taking better care of themselves (but nobody, as the saying goes, regretted not working more).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Curiously, the age of the subjects made little difference: the attitudes of 20-year-olds  were remarkably similar to those of 70-year-olds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the psychologists asked about coping skills used in relation to regrets, the answers were interesting. How well you are able to walk away from them seems to depend on how you compare yourself to others. If you\u2019re envious of other people\u2019s lives, your regret will attach itself to you like a sea lamprey. If you\u2019re in a bad job and envy your superficially joyous sister\u2019s position, you will own your regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the other hand, if you think about your unemployed neighbor working through foreclosure on her house, your own situation will feel better by comparison and it\u2019s likely you\u2019ll be able to distance yourself from your regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a nutshell: there\u2019s always someone worse off than you. People who grasp this appear to be better able to cope with regret than those who are more likely to compare \u201cupward\u201d (and yes, just as there are always people worse off than you, there will always be those better off).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

French singer Edith Piaf had the right idea altogether, in her defiant \u201cNo Regrets\u201d (Non, je ne regrette rien), which I suggest you click here to listen<\/strong><\/a> to immediately, joining the 7.5 million (!) listeners who have already done so. It\u2019s okay if don\u2019t know French and can\u2019t sing along–it makes a great hum-able anthem to inflict on everyone throughout your day. \u00a0Less stirring and a bit too melancholy for me, Frank Sinatra has the same idea in \u201cMy Way\u201d with its opening line, \u201cRegrets, I\u2019ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the message is there for everyone. Lives filled with regret are lives unfulfilled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once, driving through Mississippi, I came across a small roadside church whose sign read \u201cChurch of the Second Chance.\u201d I liked that. It\u2019s what we all need, our personal second chances, every morning of our lives, so we can\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be well,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David Edelberg, MD<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We each have our own personal stash of regrets, and when they surface our language trends to the elegantly named counterfactual conditional phrasing: \u201cIf only I had married Bob, I would have been happy.\u201d Well, you didn\u2019t marry Bob (instead you married The Jerk), and in any case there\u2019s no guarantee Bob isn\u2019t his own brand of jerk.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2087,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3,34,82],"tags":[1233,36],"class_list":["post-3864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-knowledge-base","category-mental-health","category-o","tag-regrets","tag-stress"],"yoast_head":"\r\nObsessing Over Regrets<\/title>\r\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Canadian psychologists studied the effects of chronic regretful thinking on people\u2019s lives along with their coping skills.\" 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